Push Abuse Out of Your Life and Out of Your Head
66Abuse is always personal and the effects can last a lifetime. Take steps to move your thinking away from the past and create a happier life today.
Surfacing...
Dedicated to: Am I Dead, Yet? @ HubPages whose birthday was 19 June 2009
I just found her blog today when she showed up on The Social Poets blog as a new follower. Spent some time reading through her posts and discovered we lived the same childhood in many ways: terrible abuse. There was nothing she related on her blog, AIDY Poetry Blog that I did not relate to from my own past. Having learned how to heal myself over time what has amused me the most is how scared those past abusers are of me now. What a twist! “The worm has turned” as the old saying goes.
Threats looming overhead constantly...
Establish personal boundaries and guard them like a wolf...
They would not dare to cross me since I laid down the gauntlet of ironclad boundaries they are not allowed to nudge, let alone step over into my space without permission. They spent too many years overrunning my boundaries they had to be pushed back and a hard shove it was. They were surprised at my strength which, frankly, was always there; I just chose to finally use it. Truly gentle people are not weak but actually people of great strength who choose to use their strength sparingly. Unfortunately, there are those who take that discipline of holdback as an opportunity to abuse. Just take a look around at the toxic politics in America for the past decade or so for proof.
Walking alone in the silence...
Well, I ran across AID Y?’s birthday post to herself and certainly knew that kind of loneliness and isolation, feeling unworthy even to dare to celebrate your own birthday because you know darn well “they” won’t tell you a happy birthday. My own birthday is in a few days and I often try to write something around this time of year. It seems to be a time full of good energy that practically feels like a holy time it feels so right. I thought it was a perfect time to compose a birthday poem for one talented poetess here at HubPages. How good the poem actually is, eh, who cares? It’s meant with all sincerity and as a vehicle to bring healing that creates new strength.
Sittin' in the rain, watching the drops...
Even without trying it seems I’m always writing on levels of double meaning. College English teachers loved it when I could remember the obscure characters and flesh out all the minutest levels of symbolism even they didn’t see. Guess that’s what you get with a favorite Aunt who was a high school English teacher and adored Shakespeare. The summer my mother died when I was eleven I went and lived with my Aunt Noёl out of state, worlds away from the sorrow. She and I shared aloud the reading of plays by the famous bard and spent the summer baking and cooking. I thought I’d died and gone to Heaven to be with Julia Child, the sole focus of her lavish attention. All that nurturing went a long way to the healing process and I “dined” on it for years afterward, fond memories surfacing to crowd out the negative ones sledge hammering away for notice.
Stumbling in the dark to find your identity...
This poem can also apply to others who have experienced abuse and are struggling to break free and develop their identity. Abusers work overtime to isolate you so you can’t figure out what is truly available to you in this world. When abusers get you young enough – like from birth as in my case - it is difficult to separate who you are from whom they are and you feel like a “non-person,” a ghost. Most of all abusers don’t want you to realize you really are worthy.
Create happiness in spite of the rain...
It took me a number of years to reason it all out as to their motivations and how the manipulation operated. What I discovered is what scares them is that one day you actually will not only figure it out - but actually act on it and finally win what they have long denied you: Love and acceptance! For you see the abusers saw great potential in you even before you knew it, were jealous and fought hard to prevent you from rising. What they do is keep you engaged in their drama so you will take your focus off of developing the talents they know you have - even before you recognize it. All the more reason to push back hard, break out from their grip both physically and mentally, and joyfully drive yourself to that place in life that has been waiting for you such a long time to finally find it and call it home: the creative Me.
Nurture and nourish your soul...
You Are Worthy Every Day!
Happy Birthday to a quiet beautiful soul
Who knows how to shout in the darkness
Wade through surging waters and come out dry
Huddles by her heart’s warm fire to revive
Carefully stepping out onto a new path
While nobody’s looking…
Happy Birthday to a touchingly beautiful soul
Who knows not to be forced silent any more
Pushing back the mean-spirited into the abyss
She just climbed out of today, never return, ever
Swimming upstream against bullying naysayers
While everybody’s looking…
Happy Birthday to a growing lovely soul
Who knows she is in transition away from abuse
Casting off ugly words, crafting instead beautiful words
Building a creative foundation of new life
Unwinding, putting to the fire the mean parent tape
While the abusers shrink back in new found fear…
Happy Birthday to you as you win each day
Walking farther away each step from where you were
Hugging close the dream unfolding into new reality
Living the Love each new moment you create
The shackles of your mind unlock and fall down
While the world embraces one willing to be loved and love…
Happy Birthday to a sensitive poetess
Who can employ the past to be her servant
Swaying and dancing with exquisite words
Protecting her new path as fearsome weapons
To stun and confuse fools who no longer can stop her rise
Creation unveils “I am,” traveling moment to moment into infinite Beauty...
Denny Lyon
Copyright 27 July 2009
All Rights Reserved
hub #53
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Hi, ST, thanks for visiting! Glad to know you are emotionally clear... like there was any doubt. :)
Happy "Birth" Day to us all.
Namaste
Emotions ripped through me as I read this. A hub worth remembering.
Hi, Universal Laws, thanks for visiting and you are right; we should honor everyone for the day they came into this world to be with us!
Hi, Anthony, thanks for visiting! Yeah, abuse is like that; fortunate for me, the PTSD and flashbacks are long gone and all that remains is what I learned minus the attached emotions. Figure it might prove useful for someone out there in the Universe to know you can battle it all and win, all without resorting to drug therapy and the like.
Now this is what I call a celebration of living! So many profound connections between hubbers who have shared similar pain and triumphs.
Happy, happy belated birthday to AIDY, one of my favorite ladies. And thumbs up on this tribute hub to healing and resurrection. Denny Lyon -- this is just beautiful. LOVE the photos. MM
Thank you for this beautiful piece, Denny. I have had some clients who have told me the same thing in their past. Just as I could never imagine a punitive God, I could never imagine an abusive parent or family member. In the Philippines,we literally, treasure the children. Families would sacrifice food for the necessary tuition and books for the person in school. I have not been back for the last ten years, but my family carries the same values.
I always teach my clients the mirror technique. Looking at the mirror at least a dozen times a day, looking at your eyes and saying "I love you" to that person you are looking at. I hope she will employ it. The other way is to re-write your past, and I have my clients do this as well.
We are at the center of concentric circles of parallel universes, firewalled only by our thoughts. However this is much too much for our minds to conceive. We deal with what we are able to handle, here and now.
It is also possible to transcend this feeling of unworthiness by meditating on the heart. In the religious iconographies, this is represented by Jesus Christ with his heart bursting forth with rays.
I hope this would help a little.
Denny, this is an extraordinary piece of writing, from beginning to end...some of the messages heartbreaking and some joyous. The images were amazing. Beautiful poem and such a tribute to two truly talented poets.
Hi, MightyMom, thanks for your visit and kind comments! You are quite accurate about healing and resurrection. Just think, if we never experienced pain or suffering we would never know the Joy of healing and resurrection. Life: it can be a real pain AND a real Joy! I guess it beats a dull existence of mediocrity, right? :)
Hi, msorensson, thanks for your visit and fabulous comments! What a wonderful culture toward children in your birth country.
As to the mirror technique, I started that idea back when I was about 3 years old, doing affirmations to counteract the negativity all around me. My guardian angel turned me on to that one. Some kids have truly imaginary friends; I had warrior angels. Angels aren't quite what the mythical stories recount. Many of them have pissy personalities; mine was cool, funny and terribly sarcastic. He taught me a lot about how to laugh off fools.
Never have seen an angel with wings (usually wings are a symbolic way to depict how fast their spirits can move); I recognize them by their energy signature as compared to humans or Father God, Mother Holy Spirit or Jesus. They all carry different energy signatures no matter what their appearance so as not to scare or overwhelm you. That much powerful energy can be intimidating even for the most courageous.
Re-writing your past is another technique that works well for the conscious mind. Another one I developed in figuring out how to deal with flashbacks and PTSD blackouts - without drug therapy or counselling (when in the intelligence community you are foolish to go to a counselor as there is no telling how they will react and it usually isn't good, everything is about CYA for them and not helping the family) - was to rewrite my dreams. I taught myself how to control my dreams every night or even for an afternoon nap. That did wonders for calming flashbacks. Eventually, over long-term practice, the searingly charged emotions dissipated and all that remained was the event and what was learned from it to the point it felt like a dry textbook recounting ancient history.
As to flashbacks from trauma, a lot of people, especially war veterans, fight those. Don't fight them; instead, get yourself in a safe controlled situation and start re-living them. Yes, it's tough; do it anyway if you want your freedom.
Flashbacks are part of Holy Spirit's ministry of calling up the trauma to teach you how to heal yourself. The problem comes when people reject the spiritual side their right brain is trying to communicate to them.
Too often in Western society we are left brain dominant and it bullies the spiritual and right brain side. Well, folks, we need the whole brain to make good decisions. Why deny and shut down 50% of the information needed to make and carry out good decisions? It's lunacy.
As to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, yes, thankfully, (thanks for the reminder too) I know all about it and more of His Healing touch. Jesus also has a dry wit and loves visual puns. He has tremendous finesse in how He deals with people. The greatest respect I've ever received has been from Father God especially, but then He has a soft soft for His warrior types knowing they will one day transform into humanity's peace makers. You really do have to know evil before you can fully appreciate and understand goodness.
Always a great conversation with you, thanks! I enjoy plumbing the depths of the spiritual experience...
Hi, alekhouse, thanks for your visit! I was wondering if I could get the poetry critiqued or not and you must have heard my thought on the collective level and were drawn here. Thank you so much for giving such an incredibly generous review, wow! You are so intelligently perceptive as well as succinct, thank you for stopping by to offer your thoughts. Not too many people like to read about tough experiences, so thank you. I uusually lighten up on the fullness of that harsh reality, just enough to give people the basic idea so they know it's real - horror movies will never be my thing - I lived enough of that.
Remember, Jesus spoke about how "Heaven is at hand"? It's true; if we focus upon a better kinder reality it becomes what we live each day. Now if everyone else, especially the grumpy guys, the mean-spirited, the negative and manipulative types would just jump on the same train and come with us this would be a much finer world where real Love could reign... :) Hope for the best and live to the fullest. This is what the real Jesus taught us as His legacy for future generations of humanity.
Hi, li7218, thanks for your visit! Wow! How much time did it take to type your comment!? Love how beautiful it is, thank you so much!
Miracles really do come when we decide to adapt new information, get emotionally flexible and apply it all in an expectant attitude to meet at the crossroads where miracles and good things start happening for us!
Breath taking beauty in the pictures, in the words , in the message. I walked this road so many years ago, you always keep a hand out to those behind you to find their way through the darkness into the light. Thank you for letting your light shine so brightly showing others the way to a place deep in their hearts they know exists, even for them.
Beautiful hub...Thanks! 3 yrs ago I broke free and have found my true identity...again, Thank you for keeping green for me and others.
Hi, Madison22, thanks for stopping by and glad to join with you to celebrate the three year anniversary of your new freedom! Kudos go to you!
Denny,
Oh my god. Forgive me. I may have been down so much that I have yet seen this hub written, by you. Again forgive me. I cannot believe it. I am speechless. I am in total tears, really. I did not know that I had a guardian angel over my shoulder. Oh my Denny, I am speechless. I will return with a better response.
I just cannot believe I missed this. I just can't believe it. So beautiful, Denny. Just beautiful. May I post this one on my blogs?
Thank you =')
What a beautiful tribute, so well deserved by its subject, and so sensitively written and illustrated. Bravo
I have made a forum post to this. Thank you, Denny.
nothing like a friend who understands to brighten an alone birthday. good one, denny.
wonderful it is so kind and thoughtful and uplifting
This is so beautiful and breathtaking! You are such a maigical soul, Deny! wow
I also wanted to say that you are a brave individual. Pain does take some getting used to. Either you do or you die, and for some it does take time. I am happy for you, and your lessons here you have given me and the many others fortunate to read this work.
Ovations, Denny.
You made me cry. This is one of the best hubs I have ever read!
Thanks for letting me stand in the circle with you, Denny, if only for a few moments. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to really write about the abuse itself, that I went through, though I think I need to. However, I'm grateful for your eloquence on the subject, and grateful for such strong, good, writers whose voices send clear signals of hope for so many of us. What a wonderful tribute to AIDY, and for so many more.
Hi, AID Y, I didn't tell you at the time when I wrote this because I sensed you weren't ready to read it. And, if there's one thing I don't do is push people when they can't handle it. OK, I push around bullies because they need it but not decent folks. Sure, be glad for you to post this on your blog. Anyone who can benefit is the purpose of writing it in the first place! Usually, I code into my poetry about spiritual development and wisdom. You can find more at my poetry blog: The Social Poets (blogspot.com) under the Libations Friday! segments. Love to add awesome art photos I find on flickr and help promote my fellow photographers and poets. Thanks for stopping by. Absolutely, I take zero offense; you read it when you were ready! Life is good! :)
Hi, Jess Killmenow, thanks for visiting and your great compliment, most kind of you!
Thank you, Denny. It only amazes me that you realized my emotions of that time. It is my greatest fortune to find this work today. Brilliant faithful day.
Hi, Storytellersrus, thanks for stopping by again!
Hi, poetlorraine, thanks for visiting and the kind compliment! You write some wonderful poetry yourself!
Hi, I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s, thanks for visiting! Thanks for the compliment!
Hi, HealthTip, thanks for stopping by for a visit! Wow! Today must be one of those "magic" days - so much positive energy, all, thank you!
Hi, Jane @ CM, sorry about the crying. I try not to descend too low for folks in the writing - at least without not bringing them back up. This was "me" on what I label "intense lite." :) Thank you for your awesome compliment, wow! Glad you stopped by!
Hi, Daniel Carter, thanks for visiting! It took a good twenty years just for me to sit down and take notes to start a book. Then the memories and flashbacks came swooping in and it was a case of too many memory elephants trying at the same time to s-q-u-e-e-z-e out one tiny small doorway.
To be able to write about it you really have to get tough with the memories, treat them like an unruly mob and bark them into line like a Marine sargeant. Set the stage for the telling and on your terms. There's a lot more that goes into it but that's the gist.
Then there's learning how to control your dreams instead of them controlling you - turning them into lucid dreaming. That's how you can control and slow down flashbacks to examine them detail by detail in such a way so as to remove the emotional charge attached to the memories. That's the key to removing the hurt: dissipate the negative emotional charge on a spiritual level. Took me quite a while as I did it on my own without help long before anyone knew what PTSD was all about.
To me, the greatest "revenge" was to heal completely. I soon learned no longer to fear but rather how to get in control of and drive fear, using it as only an energy. When you learn how to get in control of the process you would be surprised how fast you can heal. Working on the spiritual level is the answer to getting completely cleared of all the old garbage. After all, we want to have plenty of room to place good things into our inner spaces!
In time, you will be ready to write about it if only for yourself. No one said you had to publish it. I had a pretty bad car accident over three years ago where it took my brain a full nine months just to wake up fully. It made me realize my brain could shut back down any time and with it much of what I've learned would be lost to others. So, here I am at HubPages writing spiritually coded poetry to help people heal from their past. Life is one wild ride... passing it forward! :)
As somebody who grew up in a toxic household, I really enjoyed this article.
Thank you so much for this moving article. And it was really wonderful for you to acknowledge a fellow Hubber!
This was so well put together! The photos you picked were perfect to illustrate your words.
Beautiful!
Beautiful ~ Your spirit, Your thoughts, Your compassion.
I happened across a comment you'd made and am so happy I came by for a peek.
Soooo, looking forward to reading more!
Peace, Scarlett
great piece - 'gentle people are not weak but actually people of great strength... there are those who take that discipline of holdback as an opportunity to abuse' jumped out when I read this because I have always thought the same and that's what makes us special Denny!
Thank you for sharing.
I have to say this is one of the best hubs I read to date... Abuse is such a terrible thing and many people cannot fight back, I truly hope that one day people find the courage to fight back and escape such a dark world.
Photo Credits
I think it’s gonna rain Photo by nyki_m @ flickr (no longer flickr member)
Dark clouds threatening rain in the beautiful paradise MaldivesIslands Photo by muha… @ flickr
Walking in the rain Photo by *clairity* @ flickr
Sittin' in the rain Photo by (Tres) “descamarado” @ flickr
Walking in the night rain Photo by (eclaire) @ flickr
Rain makers Photo by 1happysnapper Hugs to all @ flickr
Spring rain Photo by spratmackrel @ flickr
Face in Moss Photo by soylentgreen23 @ flickr
Sensitive Angel Photo by Rampant Gian @ flickr
Rain, rain, go away Photo by left-hand @ flickr
Roses in the rain Photo by John-Morgan @ flickr
Embracing the rain Photo by Mark Sebastian @ flickr
Storytellersrus Level 7 Commenter 2 years ago
Okay, okay, it's OUT!!!! Thank you.